I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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