Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Green mimosas i think yes
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
