i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
