Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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