So drunk its hurt
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
