I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
