dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
