I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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