I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
