I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
