Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
