Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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