I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
