Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
