i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
