Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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