Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
