Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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