I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
