Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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