We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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