so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
