Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
