the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
