There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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