You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
