He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
