he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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