i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
