1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
