sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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