3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
