i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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