i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize