I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
