I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
