youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
