so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
