god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
