Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize