i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
