Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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