if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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