I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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