Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize