Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
