I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
