put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
