I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
