I'm jealous of your bromance
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
