i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
