Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
