You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
