why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
