There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
