I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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