Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
