I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
