I feel great
I just peed on a car
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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