he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
