He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
