we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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