Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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