How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
