Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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