took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize