I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
