Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
