You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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