even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
